


Then Why Does It Feel So Real?

by KuroBakura



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Anger, Broken John, Comforting Sherlock, Confused Sherlock, Crazy, Crazy John, Crying, Dark Mycroft, Depressed Sherlock, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sherlock, Established Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Hurt, Hurt John Watson, M/M, Mycroft Being a Bastard, Out of Character Sherlock, Pain, Self-Harm, Sherlock is Alone, Sherlock-centric, Suicide, Upset Sherlock, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 15:22:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8290762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuroBakura/pseuds/KuroBakura
Summary: Sometimes, even what is in your head can feel like it is really happening, especially when it about someone you love and care about so much.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please do not flame or bash.  
> Thanks!

 

  
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_''Everywhere that I go_

_I see another memory_

_And all the places we used to know_

_They're always there to haunt me_

_I walk around and I feel so lost and lonely_

_You're everything that I want_

_But you don't want me"  
_

_(From Sleepwalker by Adam Lambert)_

 

 

  _Sherlock ran in to the room. The room was lit with a very bright and white light and it felt painful. He stopped running when he was finally in front of Mycroft._

_“I want to see him, Mycroft! NOW!” Sherlock barked at him._

_“He does not want to see you.” Mycroft told him._

_“That's not true and you know it!” Sherlock shouted._

_“How do you know that?” Mycroft asked him. Sherlock was getting angrier and more hurt by the second._

_“GODDAMMIT, MYCROFT! STOP BEING SUCH AN ASSHOLE AND TELL ME WHERE HE IS!” Sherlock screamed at him, feeling like beating the crap out his older Brother._

_“YOU ARE THE ONE THAT CAUSED ALL OF THIS, SHERLOCK.” Mycroft shouted back then stepped a little to Sherlock._

_“Face it. John is better off without you and bloody know it.” Mycroft said. Sherlock began to feel pain inside of his chest._

_“Maybe you are right but I am not going to give up on him. Not in this lifetime or any other lifetime, either. I love John and there is nothing you can to stop us.” Sherlock told him._

_“And do you think John feels the same? You belittle him all the time and it is like he's nothing when he is around you. You treat him like dirt, Brother.” Mycroft asked. Sherlock felt the pain getting worst._

_“But......but I do not think of him like that. He's not dirt...he's the most amazing man I have ever known and love.” Sherlock told him. Suddenly, Sherlock heard footsteps coming from behind Mycroft and someone walked into the room from the right side of Mycroft. Mycroft did not budge nor was planning on moving away._

_“Sherlock...” A familiar voice suddenly rang throughout the room. Sherlock looked and his eyes widened._

_“John...” Sherlock thought to himself in disbelief. John looked like there was no life in him. He was pale white, dark bags under his eyes and he was shaking. Plus, one of his hands was behind his back. The feeling inside of Sherlock from light to severe real quickly._

_“Why did you come?” John asked. The tone in John's voice was a mix of disgust and hurt._

_“I wanted to see you, John...what happened to you? Why do you look like that?” Sherlock replied._

_“...Are you really that blind, Sherlock?” John asked another question. Now, Sherlock was not sure if this was really John at all._

_“I am not sure what you mean by that.” Sherlock told him. John began to tear up._

_“Of course, you fucking don't! You think you do but truly deep down, you are really not know shit! You say you do but only to cover up the truth about yourself!” John said. Sherlock was not understanding what John was talking about nor still believed that this was really John.  
_

_"_ _What are you trying to say" Sherlock asked._

_"I am done." John replied._

_"Done?" Sherlock asked, confused. Suddenly, John burst out into tears._

_“I DO NOT WANT YOU ANY MORE, SHERLOCK! I do not want to be with you and that is that!” John shouted out him. Suddenly, Sherlock figured it out._

_“He's gone insane, mad...he is not himself. It must be. It HAS to be.” Sherlock thought. Sherlock had to try to get John to snap out of it._

_“John, honey, listen to me. I do not understand what you are talking about but I want to help you with whatever is going on. ...I love you, John. I really and truly do. I am not lying about that” Sherlock said, wanting to cry himself. John stopped crying._

_“Too fucking late, Holmes. I just want to end it right here and right now.” John said as he quickly moved his hand from behind his back and moved it up to his head. In his hand, was a gun and the barrel was placed near his temple. Sherlock started to panic._

_“John, please, stop! I love you with all my heart and I want to be with you. I am so sorry for what ever pain and hurtI caused you! I want to be a better boyfriend and I will do whatever it takes. And any thing Mycroft told is not true! …John...please...do not do this....please/” Sherlock said to him. John began to cry again but John already made up his mind._

_“Goodbye, Sherlock.” John said to Sherlock as he looked at him._

_“JOHN, STOP!” Sherlock cried out but it was too late. Suddenly, John pulled the trigger and John fell to the ground. Sherlock screamed in terror as he saw  fragments of John's skull and parts of his brain come out of his head and blood was everywhere. Sherlock then suddenly to realize that really John. He could not believe that John was really dead. Mycroft just stood there and was not phased by this at all._

_“Oh God...no.....NO!” Sherlock thought to himself as he mentally broke down. His breathing became too heavy for him to handle and his heart started to beat very fast inside his chest. He could not believe it/ John was gone and it was all because of him. Sherlock felt so empty inside now and just wanted to die himself right there as well. He literally lost the only person in his life that he was living for. Sherlock looked at his Brother with tears in his eyes and shaking._

_“YOU HEARTLESS FUCK! YOU DID THIS TO HIM!! MY TRUE LOVE IS GONE AND YOU DID NOTHING TO HELP STOP IT!” Sherlock screamed then fell to the ground, crying, holding himself in a position._

_“No, dear Brother, you did this to yourself.” Mycroft said to him as he looked at him on the ground. Suddenly, a flash of white light appeared and everything went blank._

 

_\-------------------------------------_

 

Sherlock suddenly sat straight up on his bed, screaming for a couple of seconds then looked around the bedroom. Sherlock then curled up in a ball on the bed and started to cry. A door suddenly opened and he felt a pair of arms around his body and something pressing against him. He looked from the corner of his eyes. It was John, trying to comfort him.

“There, there. Everything will be okay. It was just a nightmare.” John said to him.

“But it felt so real, John.” Sherlock said, still crying.

“and it was not real. I know it felt real to you but it wasn't” John said. That is true. John was very much alive and not lifeless like in the nightmare. But still, it was hurting Sherlock. He looked up at John, still with tears in his eyes.

“John, if I ever hurt you, mentally or physically, please tell me.” Sherlock said to him John suddenly laid down near and in front of him, looking at his face.

“Sherlock, what happened in the dream?” John asked. He was very concerned and worried about Sherlock even though it may not seem like he is.

“I saw death.” That was the only thing Sherlock was able to say before he felt like he lost the ability to speak.

“But you are usually not scared of that.” John said. That actually was true. Sherlock is not usually scared of dead bodies...usually being the key word there. Sherlock gulped.

“It was _your_ dead body, blood and skull fragments, John. You committed suicide in my dream and it was all my fault and Mycroft was there telling me all this truthful bullshit which became true apparently because you did not want to be with me any more because I treated you like shit then you shot yourself in the head right in front of us.” Sherlock explained before bursting out even more into tears. John held Sherlock closer to him and began rubbing his back to try to calm down more.

“Sherlock, it was just a dream. You are an amazing boyfriend and I love you the way you are. And whatever Mycroft said in it is not true. Not one bit of it. I may not know what he exactly said but I can guarantee that is none true at all, I promise you that. I will never leave you or ever do that. I am so sorry that the nightmare hurt and upset you but that's all it is. Just a nightmare.” John told him. Sherlock looked at John.

“...Can you stay with me for the rest of the night, please?” Sherlock asked. By this time, Sherlock physically shaking in John's arms.

“Of course. Let me go get a pillow and turn off the light in my room. I will be back in a minute.” John replied then let go of Sherlock, got off the bed and headed back to his room to grab a pillow from off of his bed. When John returned, he put the pillow on the bed then got into the bed with Sherlock. John laid down on his back and Sherlock laid closer to John with his head resting on his chest.

“Thanks, John.” Sherlock said.

“You are welcome. I know that they can be very frightening, even for adults so please do not think it is childish for the way you reacted because it is not at all. And I am here for you.” John told him. Sherlock smiled.

“I love you.” Sherlock said, starting to feel better.

“I love you, too, Sherlock.” John said then kissed the top of his boyfriend's head. Sherlock and John got comfortable and John then turned off the lamp next to him on Sherlock's nigh table.

“Goodnight, Sherlock.” John said suddenly before seeing that Sherlock already fell back asleep. he smiled as he closed his eyes before drifted back to sleep himself and they stayed like that until they woke up in the morning.

 

 

**The End**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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